The Elementary School Where Kids Film Mental Health Videos & Know More Brain Science Than Adults
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Discover why 1st & 2nd graders at one elementary school are teaching adults new breathing techniques and explaining brain science better than most grown-ups.
In this eye-opening episode, 18-year school social worker veteran Meg Palka reveals the surprising truth about when children can start learning resilience skills (spoiler: it's much earlier than most parents think). You'll learn Meg's "all feelings are okay" philosophy that eliminates shame around emotions, discover the student-created coping techniques that even Tom hadn't heard of, and find out how first graders used emotional intelligence to solve their own playground problems.
Key strategies covered include hot cocoa breathing, birthday cake breathing, wall pushing for high-energy kids, and the "Cope Ahead Videos" where students teach other students.
Meg shares practical warning signs to watch for in both externalizing and internalizing children, explains why we should stop calling emotions "positive" or "negative," and demonstrates how giving children "space and grace" creates breakthrough moments.
You'll also hear the remarkable story of how a simple emotional assessment activity led to school-wide recess improvements, proving that when we truly listen to children's emotional experiences, everyone benefits.
About Meg Palka
Meg Palka is a school social worker in her 18th year of supporting elementary students and is passionate about helping kids build resilience.
She teaches students to recognize how emotions show up in their brains and bodies. Her favorite motto to use with her students is, “Feelings come and feelings go and all feelings are okay!” Meg was named one of the 2024 Second Step Educators of the Year, and leads her school's little leaders after school club, which fosters confidence and empowers students to be leaders in their school and community.
She's also served a variety of building and social work committees, including her school's character committee and building leadership team. Beyond her professional life, Meg is the proud mom of a spirited 4-year-old and enjoys traveling, exploring nature, and attending live music.
Thank you for listening to the Raising Resilient Kids Podcast! We are siblings on a mission to help kids become their strongest selves by sharing proven strategies with parents, teachers, and coaches to build resilient, confident kids who can tackle life's challenges and thrive.
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Episode Transcript
Tom: [00:00:00] What if your kindergartner could teach you a new breathing technique, or your second grader could explain brain science better than most adults? In today's episode, we're joined by 18-year school social worker veteran Meg Palka. Who reveals a surprising age when kids can start learning resilience skills and explains why teaching kids that all feelings are okay might be the most important lesson they'll ever learn.
And we'll also find out why I am her elementary school's tattoo dealer. I'm Tom.
Jeannie: And I'm Jeannie. We are siblings on a mission to help kids become their strongest selves. Each episode, we share proven strategies with parents, teachers, and coaches to build resilient, confident kids who can tackle life's challenges and thrive. Welcome to season three of the Raising Resilient Kids Podcast.
Tom: Well our question of the month then was, what is the appropriate age to start teaching resilience techniques and coping skills to kids? Jeanie, we've got the perfect guest for, for this question.
Meg Palka is [00:01:00] here for us! Meg is a school social worker, that's how I actually first got to know her. She's entering her 18th year of supporting elementary students. She's passionate about helping kids build resilience.
She teaches students to recognize how emotions show up in their brains and bodies. Her favorite motto to use with her students is, “Feelings come and feelings go and all feelings are okay!” I love that. Meg was named one of the 2024 Second Step Educators of the Year, and leads her school's little leaders after school club, which fosters confidence and empowers students to be leaders in their school and community.
She's also served a variety of building and social work committees, including her school's character committee and building leadership team. Beyond her professional life, Meg is the proud mom of a spirited 4-year-old and enjoys traveling, exploring nature, and attending live music. So we're so psyched to have Meg here!
Jeannie, how I got to know Meg, um, it was about three years ago. We went through some training together and she was actually kind enough to let me come in to visit [00:02:00] some of the students that she works with. So I was able to go into a first grade and a second grade classroom.
And the reason I knew she would be the perfect person for this question is because when I was in those classrooms, I mean these kids were just incredible. They had a whole bunch of different techniques. They knew why they were doing the techniques and they were talking about like brain science, like they were talking about the amygdala.
Meg, welcome, welcome, welcome. Thanks so much for being here.
Meg: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
Tom: Excellent. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on that? When? When should we start? When can we start? Kind of sharing this stuff with kids.
Meg: Yeah, so this stuff is so important. Definitely within the school, um, setting, which I'm at. Uh, we are K through five building and right off the bat in kindergarten we start teaching these kids, resilience coping tools, feelings, emotions. I am very lucky to work with amazing teachers that, incorporate it in their classrooms throughout the whole school year.
They're so kind enough to make time for me to come in to do some direct [00:03:00] teaching, but then they always are following up. On the mom side, definitely, um, language and like, just modeling.
I know for my son, since he's been a baby, you know, it's, you know, oh, you're crying, you must feel sad, you know, as he got older, like, let's take breaths together. So it's a lot of co-regulating. I don't think that there's like, okay, as soon as you turn five and enter kindergarten, like that's it.
Um, definitely just embedding it through your everyday life and you definitely do not have to be, super structured how you do it, but just showing kids and modeling it and, you know, repairing too. As a mom, um, even as a, you know, social worker sometimes, you might, dysregulate yourself and it's always coming back and saying like, I was having a moment, like this is what happened. I could have handled it differently.
Jeannie: That's so true because the reality is that we are all human and so we all are gonna have moments of dysregulation. That modeling is something that we hear repetitively from so many [00:04:00] of our guests, and it shows how important it really is.
Tom: And that, that role that you've got as a social worker coming into the classroom, I think is so very, very important. 'cause a lot of times I'll, I'll teach these techniques to teachers and then they, they just don't necessarily have the confidence. 'cause they're like, you know, Tom, I went to school to be a teacher.
I don't have the expertise in there. So having you as the expert kind of coming in. Sharing the techniques in front of the teachers as well as, you know, teaching the students. And then they can reinforce that it, it, I think it just builds a lot more confidence in teachers to know that they've got you there to support them and really bring in that expertise.
Meg: Absolutely. And you know what's really nice, um, especially in my building, is it's like no pressure. I'm not coming in and saying like, okay, this is what you have to do. It's simply like, Hey, can you just stay in the room, you know your students best. So when a situation comes up, can you draw it in so that we can talk about it?
Can you bring in those real life examples? Tom something you taught me, and that's something that I have passed on to my teachers, is giving students also [00:05:00] the opportunity to pass, if they don't feel comfortable. So that's also where that teacher student relationship comes in. I'll draw sticks to like pull out a student and that teacher will, you know, go to that student and say like, it's okay, like, you can pass, or do you wanna whisper it to me?
So definitely having that co-teaching ability really makes it authentic.
Tom: I love your motto. Can you talk more about that? Feelings come, feelings go and all feelings are okay.
Meg: Yes, so. It was one day I was just teaching. Um, I try to be as animated as I can with the kids. Um, I feel like kinesthetics are really important when teaching. So, um, you know, we start off with like, feelings come, feelings go, and then all feelings are okay.
So how that developed as well is, just through my personal journey with exploring emotions, feelings, and coping strategies, you know, I've had people who have helped guided me to remind me, they're just feelings. They're just thoughts., You're not gonna [00:06:00] stay like this forever. Everything is a fleeting moment.
And so even with the kids, we talk about, feeling happy. We try to stay away also from like negative and positive feelings because the truth is they're just feelings. We are the ones that assign it to them. And also it's unrealistic to stay happy forever and to always be positive, right?
So with that we always talk about, with feelings, it's just a fleeting moment. You're not always gonna be happy forever, and that's okay. So it's really trying to build that resilience upfront. It's not always gonna be like that, but that's okay because you know it's gonna come back.
We talk about comfortable, uncomfortable feelings and how it makes your body feel. Uncomfortable feelings aren't always gonna stay. And so that's the something that like I try to pass on to my students is just a quick model that maybe they can keep.
Tom: Yeah. I think that's so important. I know, you know, me raising my kids, it was always like, all right, if they had one of those “negative” emotions. What can I do to make [00:07:00] you not be sad or not be angry or anything like that? But it is important that it is okay.
We're all gonna have to deal with it. We shouldn't try to take that away, because once they're no longer around us, they're gonna, they're gonna have to deal with it as well. And some of those emotions are good for us.
Meg: I think when you are able to sit with those uncomfortable emotions, like you're able to build that resilience like you talk about, because it's like you almost get a hit of dopamine. Then when you get over it. It's kind of like. Okay. Like, that was hard, but I did it and now I am feeling better and when it comes back, I have the tools to handle it. Like I know this isn't a forever thing.
Tom: Uh, excellent. Um, so I've been, I've been teaching this stuff, you know, and practicing this stuff for probably two or three decades that sound much older than you guys obviously. But, um, and what was incredible in significantly,
Jeannie: Twelve and a half years to be exact.
Tom: Um, but what was interesting is I went in to visit Meg's first and second grade class, and they taught me new strategies that I had never heard of before.[00:08:00]
Yeah, it was great. It was fantastic. Meg, can you share with us maybe a few of your favorites that you teach the kids.
Meg: Yeah, so I'm super pumped and I love when the students teach other people because they get like their own like dopamine excited hits. So, once a month for the past couple years, myself and another, SEL member would make these videos called Cope Ahead Videos
So it was after COVID. It was like our way of making sure that every student got, at least one tool a week because we couldn't see everybody. So in the videos, um, we would talk about a skill. When you could use it and then demonstrate it, and then we would record ourselves and the teachers would play it once a month, and have the kids watch it.
So since this has been going on, I was like, all right, enough of the kids have seen this in the grade bands. I'm gonna start inviting them in. So this past year, I had students who wanted to be part of the videos, but they had to like write a little essay, um, in the sense of like, what coping skill do [00:09:00] they want to use? How do they use it, and why do they think it's important?
Um, so the ones that Tom seen, those are ones that kids had actually taught them through the videos. Um, yeah, it was so cool. So the biggest ones that we had was, hot cocoa breath. They would just pretend they were holding a cup of cocoa. They would smell it and then breathe it out.
One of our favorites amongst the little kids are birthday cake breathing. So you put up your, um, five fingers and then you just blow out the candle so you breathe in. Blow out.
Jeannie: Smart.
Meg: And this one's really cool because not only are they taking multiple breaths, but it also helps them to slow down. And then I would say for my super energetic friends, they love pushing the wall, so they like put their hands up on the wall. And they push it as hard as they can. We try to make it a contest, like, [00:10:00] you know, who can push the building or who can knock it over.
Tom: Another question for you, Meg. Anything, are there any like warning signs that we should watch out for, like being either teachers or parents that might indicate, hey, we need to give this student a little bit more resilience support, um, than, than the normal stuff.
Meg: I mean, I think it goes with anything, like every child, every student is different. The first step for me would be getting curious about that particular student or my child. Like, are we looking for marked differences? Like where do we see, um, it's so easy to identify our externalizers, right? Like the kids that are yelling, crying, screaming, throwing things, that's definitely a sign. And then also being curious and identifying kids who might be feeling withdrawn, that might not be having big reactions that are kind of just there. And then it's just really talking to them and getting to know them.
Do they have like the [00:11:00] words? , And maybe if they can't. Say them, can they point to something? So, in my room, and then in a lot of my classrooms too, there's at least visuals somewhere. And for some of our kids that need a little extra, their visual's right there on their desk. So it's something that they can look at real fast, they can point to, the adult can go up and point to it just to kind of give them the opportunity.
Because when you think about it too, when we're mad. And someone's like, what's wrong? We're not gonna be like, I am dysregulated. I am mad. Like this is what I need. You know? Like, we might shut down, we might be short. These kids are learning. As adults, we're learning. I'm learning still.
Like space and grace, giving them the opportunity to decompress a minute. It could be physical space, they could do something else and then come back to it and then grace to come back and to talk about it. And if they aren't able to talk about it, giving them the verbiage, but not telling them how they feel. Like it looked like you were upset. Like, this [00:12:00] is what I, this is what I saw, is this right? Instead of saying, you know, you were throwing a chair, you were mad. Well, were they mad or were they sad? Because underneath anger is usually sadness. So how can we get to that?
Tom: Do you have any, any, any stories? Of, of, you know, maybe a student that you worked with that, that really benefited from these skills and, and what were some of the techniques that really seemed to resonate with them?
Meg: I am thinking particularly of a whole classroom. So, Tom, once again, we were using your techniques in the class and we taught, we talk about the bunnies, right? Um, so the bunnies in, um, Resilient Youth are the fight, flight are freeze bunnies, and they're like the cutest little Karate bunnies. And they're a big deal. Tom has also brought tattoos over for us, so like he, he is our tattoo dealer over here at the elementary school. The kids go nuts for them. So we had just gotten done talking about the fight, [00:13:00] flight, or freeze bunnies.
And then, um, then we started talking about. On a scale of one to five, like how do you feel like what bunny show up? Like how do you feel? And so for this class, we had different areas in the room that we talked about. So it was like, if you feel very comfortable and like no bun's come up, like go to area one. If your bunnies are kind of starting to peak up, like go to area two. But if like your bunnies are like full blown, they're fighting, they're freezing, they're running away, go to area three.
So I would give different examples like, okay, like your mom is mad at you, like, what? You know, where are you at? And so, they all disperse around the room and stuff. So then I was like, okay, I'm gonna put a fun one out there, right? Like everybody's going to one. So I was like, all right, it's, you know, warm outside, we can finally go out to recess. Majority of the kids went to two and three.
There was maybe like one kid that was excited about one, and I was like,
Hmm, okay, like this is interesting. So [00:14:00] we all sat down afterwards and we talked and you know, obviously whoever wanted to share. And from that, the conversation came out like. I don't know who to play with. It's really loud at recess. People just run around, so like, people are in my space and I was like, okay they're talking. I am, I'm listening, but, they need to be heard.
So from there then the conversation was had with our admin at the time and I was like, we need to do something about this because these are first graders that aren't enjoying recess. Like recess was the epitome of the day, right? Like, get me out there. And also like, it's crucial, it sets up for lunch and then the second half of the day. So they definitely did some brainstorming to figure out, okay, like how can we make recess more enjoyable, more practical?
They ordered more equipment, they put stuff on the blacktops. There was explicit teaching the next year of like how to use things.
So maybe not like specifically [00:15:00] like a, a coping skill, I guess the coping skill of like being able to talk to a grownup. But just identifying within themselves and then, you know, it was up to us to take that information and to adjust
Jeannie: The fact that the kids felt that comfortable to be able to share that shows that like those things that, that you all were teaching them, were working inside of them where they felt comfortable to be able to voice how they were feeling and how amazing for your school to take that and digest it and go, okay, how can we improve this really important part of their day?
Meg: Very lucky here at this school that like everybody's on board to support and also like going back to that activity, like, you know, it also makes me think how important it was to give all the students the opportunity to speak. So even those that don't want to verbalize, they got to walk to where they wanted to go.
So, you know, just really honoring, trying to honor, right. It's impossible. We're not perfect, but like trying to honor what [00:16:00] kids need and how to express themselves selves.
Tom: Meg. So many good things. Any final ideas, tips, thoughts, advice, anything that you think our listeners should know about building resilience in kids?
Meg: I think the number one thing is to get curious about your own resilience, right? Like kind of do a thermometer check on like where you're at. Do you need space and grace? Um, you know, it's the end of the summer. I'm sure a lot of parents their space is very limited right now, and I am right there with them.
But just really trying to get curious about how you're feeling and, you know, trying different things yourself just so that you can be that model And once again, this doesn't mean like, oh my God, I have to go like full in otherwise, like, my kids aren't gonna be like resilience, but just starting with yourself and then, you know, at the very least just modeling, repairing, going for it.
And there's no wrong way to do it. But also be [00:17:00] cautious that all kids need different things and just to allow them and to figure out what they need and then be ready to listen when they say it
Jeannie: Yeah. To give them that space and grace.
Meg: Space and grace. Yep.
Tom: Thanks so much, Megan. You gotta get me your, uh, tattoo order in.
Meg: Yes, I will.
Tom: Thanks so much, Meg. Thanks for being here.
Jeannie: What a perfect first guest for season three.
Tom: Yes. Meg is awesome and you should see you're working with the young kids. It's pretty, pretty incredible
Jeannie: Oh, she's, yeah. I felt like, I feel like so many of the people that you bring on this podcast I wanna be friends with, and Meg was just another one of them. You can see her in, in a classroom and just being that, that person that kids are comfortable to come talk to, you know, and I mean, she just gave so many, so many great takeaways.
What, what was something that you took away that really impacted you?
Tom: There were a bunch, as there always are. I think the one thing that stood out, what, which I thought was a great idea, was the Cope Ahead videos, which I hadn't heard about [00:18:00] before. I love the idea of having the kids actually record it. And it was interesting how, you know, when I went into the, that first and that second grade class, the techniques that the students taught me were the ones that the kids had actually recorded the Cope Ahead videos. So that, that makes sense. Yeah. Rather than having like me teach it or a teacher teach it, having a kid share it, they're more likely to stick in their head. So I thought that was fantastic.
Jeannie: I totally agree. I mean, I remember as a kid, you know, obviously, you know, I loved like theater and all of that stuff. Once I found out that, you know, if I found out that you, I could have the chance to like be on the tv, oh my gosh, I would've wanted to do that so bad.
And you are right, like when we see our peers doing something. It is really impactful and it is something that, that you remember, it sticks with you. And I mean, that's proven by the fact that you went in there and there's, you know, seven year olds teaching you hot cocoa breathing.
Tom: Exactly, exactly. How about you? What? What were your takeaways?
Jeannie: There was one thing that she said that was really poignant to me, and it was that [00:19:00] they don't say feelings are negative or positive, they sometimes will use comfortable or uncomfortable that, you know, we assign the positive or negative to it.
And I thought, gosh, that is so true. Because sometimes we think like of, oh, you're sad or you're mad and that, that's bad, that that's a negative thing. But the reality is that like being sad and being mad is just a feeling and, and, and how important I think it is for children to be reminded that feelings don't last.
When we're kids, our life experience is so much shorter. So every moment is so big and so when they're feeling sad or upset, it can feel like the end of the world. Like I'm never gonna feel different than I feel right now.
And so to be reminded as early as kindergarten that these feelings will pass. These feelings come, they, they go, um is really important and something that, you know, I hope that they'll remember for the rest of their life into their adult days.
Tom: Great stuff!
Jeannie: So much great [00:20:00] stuff. Meg, thank you for being our first guest on season three.
I'm really excited. Got lots of great guests this season, Tommy.
Tom: Yes, we do, and I'm excited to do this for another season with you sister.
Jeannie: Woo hoo. And thank you to all of you for listening. We are so grateful that you're here for season three of the Raising Resilient Kids Podcast, and we will see you next month.